A Simple Excercise To Practice Effective Listening Skills

This is a simple exercise to practice active listening and non-violent communication. 

Find a partner.

One person will speak about a personal problem for ten minutes, while the other person listens. Listen in total silence or with questioning comments that reflect the meaning back to the person speaking. For example, if you’d like to verify a place that the other person mentioned, you may do it. But avoid, your feelings as you listen such as , Oh! You must have felt embarrassed by that!

Use the steps outlined below. Switch roles and debrief.

Guidelines

 • Always agree to work the problem out.

 • Use “I” statements to give your perception of the situation.

• Always say: “I need” rather than “You” as in “You are…” or “You make me…”

• State the observations that are leading you to feel the need to say something. These are observable facts providing a common ground for communication.

• State the feeling that the observation is triggering in you. You may also understand (put yourself in the other person’s shoes) what the other person is feeling, and ask as part of your framing of their need.

• Make a concrete request for action to meet the need just identified.

• Ask clearly and specifically for what you want right now, rather than hinting or stating only what you don’t want.

• Reframe the concern so it is more acceptable.

Towards, the end of the activity, you may come together as a group and share your experiences with the others.

Questions

1. How did this conversation make you feel?

2. Were you able to state clearly what happened and what would you like to see in the future? 3. How did it feel to be listened to?

4. Was there anything the listener said that made you feel understood?

5. Were you able to ask for what you need without blaming someone else for what was not right?